We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He felt like a one man threesome
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
