it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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