don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
