Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
