Moan for me like Helen Keller
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize