I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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