even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
