I heard we made out
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
