I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
