You can't special order awesome
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
