I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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