Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
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I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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