Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
