Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
