OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
