my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
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On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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