Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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