What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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