I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
