Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
