Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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