I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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