after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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