worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
