guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
