so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
