I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize