now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize