Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
