i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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