Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
