ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
