where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
