Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
