after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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