if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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