I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
