watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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