I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
