I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
