I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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