Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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