it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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