The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
