so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
