I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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