Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
