I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
