If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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