please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
and you fell through a lawn chair
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
