my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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