tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dear god my vagina.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize