she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
