we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
