how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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