the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
