im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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