a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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