It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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