oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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