I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
