Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
